“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.”
Kahil Gibran
Understanding our children can be a great challenge sometimes. What is even more challenging is understanding ourselves. And, the irony is this … if we understood ourselves more, we would actually understand our children more easily. When we have compassion for ourselves, we can have compassion for them. When we have empathy for ourselves, we can have empathy for them. When we forgive ourselves, there is nothing to be forgiven in them.
I love the above quote, because it is so true. When we are experiencing pain with our children, it is usually about growth and change ~ sometimes ours, sometimes theirs. It is an opportunity to understand, and to break the shell that holds us (and them) hostage.
To have more joy and fulfillment, and less pain and chaos, we must be willing to expand. Change is inevitable. Our children will continue to grow. We must grow with them, or we will feel the pain of not understanding. It can be so frustrating.
One way to ease through change and create more flow in our lives is to recognize the value of communication and connection. If we keep our lines of communication open with our children and our spouse, and take the time to take care of ourselves, we will be well ahead of the game. We cannot stay in the box forever, refusing to grow and change. We might as well breathe and focus on the joy of the journey of parenthood.
If we experience every possible moment in the “now,” and bring quality of understanding and nurturing to our relationships, our family life will shift in a way that cannot be imagined, but only experienced.
There is an energetic flow in the world. If we can model “flow” for our children, and be flexible, simple and present in the moment, not only will our home life improve, but everything around us will improve. And, the gift to our children is their ability to flow, to go with change, to understand. This will follow them their entire lives. This brings peace, clarity and harmony to all.
Parenting is the most important job there is. Let us each take a moment to consider whether we are parenting by default (unconsciously), or if we take the time to communicate from the heart and understand ourselves and our children (awareness). Could we allow the shells to fall away, embracing the inevitability of change and growth? Could we be more authentic and present? Our children feel safe and loved when we show up in this way.
Remember … when you are feeling pain in your parenting … look at what needs to be understood, and allow yourself to “break … the shell that encloses your understanding.” Breathe and communicate. Expand. Grow.