I’m working with a 9-year-old who was going through some challenges at home, and subsequently we have been working on friendships. It’s been a great experience being able to help her make small, yet meaningful, changes in how she relates to friends to enhance those friendships and her inner peace and confidence. She happened to share that her friend ended their friendship without explanation via text. That’s not uncommon … for children and adults, unfortunately.
If our kids are breaking up with friends over text and without ANY conversation whatsoever, what are they learning about relationships and communication? They are learning that relationships are expendable and communication is not important. What happened to trying to work things out? Minimally, we need to understand where a relationship/friendship has gone wrong, so we can learn from it. Sadly, kids today are not learning to go through that process.
What Parents Can Do
Parents have an opportunity to model life skills for their children. So much of that modeling happens within the home and family relationships, and is passed on to our children by observation. How do we teach skills with purpose?
3 Simple Tips
Tip #1: If your child is upset with a friend, encourage them to talk it out in person or over the phone, not via text. Words are only 7% of communication, and text is ALL words. That leaves too much (93%) of communication out of the conversation.
Tip #2: Teach them how to ask clarifying questions such as:
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- Did I do something to hurt your feelings?
- Is there something I can do to fix this?
- Would you be open to hearing my side?
Tip #3: What kind of friends does your child want? That’s important to talk about. You don’t want them trying to keep every acquaintance; some people are not a good fit. Unkind, uncaring and/or mean people are definitely not who you want your kids to gravitate towards. Meet their friends and ask what they like/dislike about them. That gets them thinking.
Life Skills
Life skills are important and with so many of them being learned at home, we need to be aware of the messages we are sending. If we dismiss or disregard family members, argue with our spouse constantly and/or don’t take the time to communicate our feelings and needs, that’s what our children are learning. The good news is parents can make a huge impact by teaching them how to foster relationships they value by communicating more effectively. If you or your child is struggling in this area, please reach out. Most of the time, especially when caught early, these habits and patterns can be changed quickly and bring much more happiness to your child for years to come.
Traci L. Williams is the Founder of A Loving Way to Parent. She is known for her intuitive and practical approach to parenting and can be reached at traci@alovingway.com or 951-240-1407. www.alovingway.com