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How Children Process Chaos and Fear

Children learn a lot of behaviors by watching the adults around them. They often won’t ask questions; they just process what’s coming in, decide what it means (often unconsciously), assimilate it and act it out later. That’s why people have often commented that “children are like sponges.”

In generations past, children learned mostly from their parents and other adults within their inner circle. However, with social media being so easily accessible, children are influenced by a wider net. What hasn’t changed is the fact that children often do not ask their parents about incoming information. They file it away based on what they “think” it means and surprise their parents later with ideas no one knew they had. This can create separation in the parent-child relationship, especially if the views are quite different.

Fast forward to the wars and political differences that are so prevalent today, and we see a lot of anger, hate, violence, sadness, hopelessness, fear, resentment, retaliation, deceit, confusion and death. It makes me wonder how children are processing all of this. It doesn’t matter who is right or wrong (for the purpose of this blog). What matters is what it is doing to our children internally.

Remember, they ARE taking in information and they are likely NOT talking to you about it. You may think they are protected, but are they? You may think they don’t think about it, but do they? Many parents will take away phones, block apps, ban social media, etc. in the hopes of protecting their children. That may or may not be what you choose. What is most important, regardless of your choices about devices, is to strengthen your relationship with your child. It’s not about forcing conformity for 18 years. It’s about having conversations, connecting and building a trust that will allow you to weather the storms of life together.

Are you modeling love, kindness, listening, patience, understanding and honesty? That’s what children need to see and experience in times of chaos and fear. That’s what they need to take in “like a sponge.” We do that by spending time with them and talking about what’s on THEIR mind. Wait to see what they are hearing, seeing and thinking before you start telling them what you think. That protects you from over-sharing on issues they are not yet considering.

As you and your family journey through life and experience differences, make sure you are talking to your kids about values. Ask them for their thoughts and feelings. Teach them how to process what they are taking in from the world around them. Let them know your thoughts on topics, and why you feel that way. Communication, listening and understanding are all essential elements to connecting with your children, building trust and respect, and assisting them in setting boundaries and making decisions throughout their lifetime, especially in times of chaos and fear.

Traci L. Williams is the Founder of A Loving Way to Parent. She is known for her intuitive and practical approach to parenting. She can be reached directly at 951-240-1407 (text or call) or email her at traci@alovingway.com.

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