Sibling Rivalry

Happy New Year! Can you believe we are in 2007?! Wow!

Since we are coming off of a two-week break from school, and since kids can tend to squabble a little during breaks, I thought it was the perfect opportunity to talk about sibling rivalry.

When kids are fighting, arguing and just simply not getting along, it creates a rough time for all. Generally, we usually tell them to “get along or don’t play together.” Sound familiar?

Here is some food for thought ...

• What if sibling rivalry was nothing more than an opportunity to learn?
• What if arguing with our siblings was “practice?”
• What if mom and/or dad (or grandma or another caretaker) could utilize those opportunities to teach communication skills?

As children grow up, they realize more and more how different they are from other people. This is actually a good thing ~ having their own identity. When children are very young and realize it for the first time, they get really excited about this. It’s actually fun to watch this discovery phase in their life.

When kids are fighting over things, many times it’s just their lack of really getting that the world doesn’t revolve around them and there are other people who have needs and wants too. They don’t fight to get on our nerves. They don’t fight to be mean. The problem is that they simply haven’t developed the skill set for creating win/win situations yet. They think in terms of win/lose. That’s where the “opportunity” shows up. We get to teach these communication skills to our children!

The next time your kids are fighting about something, sit down (at eye level) with them. Let them know you are there to help them resolve this challenge. Give each of them an opportunity to share their side of the story. What is their truth? Once you have heard both sides, point out that there is no right or wrong; there are just differences. Explain that the key is “HOW do we make it a win/win?” Be creative. Teaching kids the “how to” about communication in childhood allows them to tap into their empathy, compassion, forgiveness, love, giving, and receiving ~ EARLY in their lives. There are so many benefits to gently walking children through this process of communication.

When you stop for a minute, regroup, and sit down to listen to your kids and support them in growing through this process, you will be AMAZED at what you see. I have done this with my own children for years and have found that it is truly a gift for them to learn these skills. It is also a gift for US to watch this miracle occur, of empowering children in this way!

May you have much fun with your children in this New Year! 

Traci Gaffney is the mother of three and the founder of A Loving Way, a Wellness Advocacy for Children and Parents. She teaches prenatal bonding, coaches parents in pregnancy and parenting, and supports families in nutrition. She is passionate about children thriving in their lives, and currently supports families across the country. For more information, please visit www.alovingway.com, or contact Traci directly at 800-647-1171 or tracigaffney@alovingway.com.